I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
