Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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