He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize