Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
