fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My ass is underappreciated
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He shit in the fireplace
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
