ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
