do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
