I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize