Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
