I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize