no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
