this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
