So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
