there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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