oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
