nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
