I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
