when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
