he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
