i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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