Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
