I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize