I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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