"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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