I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
