Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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