They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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