Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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