gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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