he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
