I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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