The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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