just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
