I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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