Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
