had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
