Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
