Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize