idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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