You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
