i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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