I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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