My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
