all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
