i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
