you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
