Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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