watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
