O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
