uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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