If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm always down for nudity.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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