i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
