Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
