Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
