i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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