I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
