I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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