What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
