Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
