Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
