just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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