Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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