how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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