I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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