So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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