Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My penis needs a shock collar
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
