She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
