I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
