I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
