My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
