Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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